If I could distill a couple decades of learning music into one principle, it would be this:

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I’m a big believer of stretching boundaries, but I think that the best way to do that is to know why they’re where they are in the first place.

That’s why I was, frankly, frustrated to see this advice from Molly Guy in Vogue:

Closing your eyes and tossing flowers to the crowd in hopes your college roommate cat lady will catch it? The robotic processional walk to “Pachelbel’s Canon”? The rose petals strewn across the duvet enticing you to slither upon it in slinky lingerie? Methinks not.

She goes on to encourage couples to eschew wedding rings, bridal parties, the first dance, and – are we really serious here? – professional photographers.

Oh, come on.

She literally uses the term “olden-days” to refer to the pre-instagram dark ages. Oomph.

Truth be told

Nothing on that list is sacred. I can completely understand a couple opting to skip any one of those traditions. I would just hope that they take the time to understand the reason for these traditions and the effects of skipping them.

I mean, while my daughter will be free to do things however she’d like whenever her turn comes, I’d really hope that she’d allow me the honor of accompanying her down the aisle. I’ve got to imagine it would cut pretty deeply if she chose not to.

For a period of time, we forgot that weddings are a celebration of community. I love to see a shift back as we celebrate with friends and family who may be scattered across the country or globe.

I think any tradition that helps bolster that sense of togetherness and one to consider.

And anything else really is fair game – just take the time to understand it before you say no thank you.